Honestly, how often do you feel ugly? Admittedly, I feel ugly all the time. Sometimes I feel like I could take Lance Gross’ chick. Other times I look in the mirror and be like, “What the fuck is going on today?!” I noticed when I was young that my standards are pretty high—typically higher than the average person’s. However, I’ve never been superficial or unrealistic—at least not to my knowledge. I’m a stickler for quality because the details of everything are perceptible and important to me. I guess being intelligent heightens people’s perceptions of all things both extraordinary and unremarkable. Yet, there will always be different strokes for different folks. The old idiom, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, insinuates that attractiveness can’t be judged objectively because everyone’s perceptions are generally based on their personal feelings and opinions. In other words, what’s beautiful to one is unlikely to be beautiful to all. For instance, from my perspective, Beyoncé and Rihanna ain’t all that. But the consensus in popular culture is that Beyoncé and Rihanna are two of the finest women that blacks have to offer. Personally, I’m partial to the likes of Kelly Rowland and Jorja Smith. If you’re full of shit, you may be wondering why I’m even comparing women to each other. Well, funny motherfucker, for the same reason you draw comparisons—because I have preferences. If you don’t know, to behold is to observe. So, if beauty is only perceived by the individual person observing someone, that person’s perception of beauty is based on their preferences, right? With that being said, I believe that people should match their appearance to the perceived preferences of the people they’re attempting to impress or attract. Moreover, I think following beauty standards is ineffectual whenever someone fails to appeal to the people they’re intending to please when they personify said standards. When you’re feeling unattractive, even in intermittent fluctuations of your self-confidence, it’s likely due to the realization that you’re not meeting what you perceive as people’s preferences in the moment. When I feel ugly, it’s when my hair is frizzy, or my skin is oily, or my face looks bloated, or I look tired, and sometimes it’s a combination of those things. I’ve found that backing up and not being so close to the mirror gives me a better look at the full package, and that is always a great confidence booster for me. To be completely confident all the time undoubtedly requires dangerous degrees of delusion and delirium. How balanced would you say your mood is? I’m usually in a smooth, mellowed out frame of mind every day. But on occasion, I wake up and literally everything pisses me off from the time I step out of bed. How many of your bad days are your ugliest days? Imagine being an acclaimed archetypal beauty, someone who everyone recognizes as the quintessence of attractiveness, and having to live out all your bad days in front of the whole world. How much do you want to bet that’s why Beyoncé is either working or virtually invisible? We often hear comedians proclaim that they don’t always feel like being funny. How many beautiful people just want to be ugly sometimes to be relieved of the stress from people’s unnatural and inconsiderate expectations? There’s an acne medication called Accutane that is alleged to be connected to several teen self-transitions. The drug has also been linked to birth defects and has several other apparently horrendous side effects. And that’s why it’s important for someone as pretty as Keke Palmer to regularly post pictures without make-up or beauty filters when she’s having an acne breakout—because it’s a reminder that imperfections are natural and being imperfect doesn’t make you ugly. J. Cole and Lizzo are also great examples of why your confidence shouldn’t be defined by other people’s conceptions of beauty. So, when you’re feeling ugly, remember that Beyoncé is only like a 7 out of 10 in my eyes. Additionally, she’s married to Jay-Z, so regardless of how beautiful people think she is… her standards aren’t very high.
What is your biggest fear? For me, it’s failure. But I’m a firm believer of the notion that slow motion is better than no motion. A little while back, I did a mental reset and reestablished all my goals. And where I previously believed that I didn’t have enough patience, I recently realized that I’ve always been patient. Fortunately, times seem consistently opportune when you can find ways to make everything work in your favor. One of the most rewarding skills to master is problem solving. To effectively solve a problem, a person must possess the ability to dissect the problem, discover the cause of the problem, devise a viable solution, execute said solution, dodge any obstacles on the journey to the solution, complete the solution, and implement a strategy to prevent the problem from reoccurring. For instance, let’s say you’re in an unhealthy relationship that’s negatively affecting your mental health. And in this scenario, that toxic relationship is stressing you out, causing you to lash out at other people, making you mess up at work, etc. What’s more, from your point of view, abruptly ending the bad relationship would just make you depressed and exacerbate all the problems you’re already facing. That’s quite a pickle to be in, right? Well, this is where those problem solving skills would come in handy. Oftentimes, people refuse to accept that they’re the main cause of turbulence and disquietude in toxic relationships. First, sit down—alone—and evaluate your initiations and reactions in every tempestuous interaction that transpires when you’re communicating with the other party in the relationship. Sometimes, you can be so fed up with people that you refuse to listen to them or give them the benefit of the doubt. And in that repudiation, you are liable to create a perpetuated state of victimhood—always making yourself the victim—that precludes you from seeing your faults in the discontent and disagreements within the relationship. If you come to realize that you’re part of the problem, which is totally common and perfectly normal, simply start initiating and reacting in the opposite manner that you’re accustomed to. But don’t get this fucked up, this goes for everybody in the relationship! More often than not, everybody involved is blameworthy. Second, communicate. Understand that everything ain’t about you! And mutuality and reciprocation are crucial elements of healthy relationships. Don’t assume, don’t project, and don’t deny anyone the opportunity to express their feelings. Third, conjure up and attempt multiple solutions. Even though failure is my biggest fear, I understand that it’s also inevitable. But as long as you’re determined, you’ll never run out of chances. Everybody can be wrong and nobody is always right. If at first you don’t succeed, keep trying until you do. Fourth, seek counseling or work with a mediator. If neither you or the other party in the relationship can figure out the best route to take, it’s plausible that an extrinsic consultant can assist. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. Last but definitely not least, if all else fails, just accept that you’re going to be depressed, lonely, and potentially jealous as you part ways with the other person. Progression, or moving on, is an intrinsic and unavoidable part of problem solving. Because solutions necessitate the elimination of problems, if the relationship itself is problematic, it must be eliminated. Eliminate may be harsh verbiage for something as emotion-driven as a relationship, but doing what’s best for everybody requires a level of maturity that calls one to appreciate necessity. Hesitation is frequently, if not entirely, fueled by fear. You can’t be frozen by the problem and frightened by the solution while you’re yearning for contentment. Like it or not, when problems are in progress, problem solving is a pressing process. Do what you gotta do, but stay true! RIP to Tupac.
How often do you break the rules? It’s imperative to question authority, not only in a democracy, but wherever humans are in control. Whenever motherfuckers can make the rules, enforce them, and punish people for breaking them, abuse of power is a guarantee. And that’s true for everything from parenting, to occupational supervising, to governmental lawmaking, to social media community guidelines. In simpler terms, people got life fucked up and they often need to be checked. However, civility is important because it aids in the mitigation of escalation, but it doesn’t altogether prevent it. History shows that people recurrently have to fuck shit up just to be heard. Again, that’s why I don’t believe the January 6th insurrection was the worst thing in the world. Although republicans practice gratuitous hatred and are as stupid as Trump himself, they are right to highlight the unreliability and untrustworthiness of the government. And that’s despite the fact that republicans, and their barefaced bigotry and immodest inequity, are indisputably the least reliable and trustworthy faction of the American government. Well, they’re reliably bigoted and inequitable. Voting is important for many reasons, but one of the nuanced reasons is because it shows the opposing party that people are willing to resist them. If you’re a defiant motherfucker by nature, like me, trust me when I tell you that there’s nothing better than a good old-fashioned, American “fuck you” ballot submission! If you want to whoop somebody’s ass, piss on their body, and spit in their face without going to jail—vote against them! Nothing crushes a motherfucker’s spirit like losing! And if you’ve ever lost anything, you know that’s a fact. Furthermore, not to point out the obvious, but if you’re one of those “my one vote won’t make a difference” people, understand that there’s thousands of people who believe that bullshit. If thousands of people in a state or district believe that their “one vote” isn’t crucial, that’s thousands of voters who are neglecting their civic duty to make history. People predominantly choose sides when they want to be a part of something that they give credence to, right? If you have any trust in the democratic party, give them a literal vote of confidence in this year’s presidential election. This may sound crazy, but there’s no doubt in my mind that I would make a fantastic president. But I digress. As I’m wrapping up this post, Joe Biden is gearing up to conduct a State of the Union address. Frankly, I’ve never been into politics, and I haven’t watched cable news in quite some time. What I do know, is that this country is bigly fucked if Donald Trump wins another election! And to reiterate, republicans are as stupid as Trump himself. Still, to be fair, I don’t hate Donald Trump. As someone who respects the ostensible liberties of America, I believe it’s every American’s right to be as stupid as they want to be. Because like beauty, stupidity is in the mind of the beholder. Besides, liberty is where my hypocrisy shines brightest. For instance, I don’t believe an impeached president should be qualified for reelection. Nonetheless, I believe in second chances. I don’t believe Donald Trump is mentally fit to lead an entire country. Even so, I believe Trump’s ability to maintain ascendancy in the republican party, and in the midst of considerable controversy, is a testament to his competency as a leader. Ultimately, I understand that everything ain’t about me. Just the same, my rejection of the republican party and their revolting polity is in support of the greater good of all Americans. I want to see simple things like free lunch for all America’s children, governmental assistance for the needy, common sense healthcare, student debt relief, justice system reform, pro-choice policies for everyone, unrestricted rights for all natural-born American minorities, etc. Ultimately, the mental health crisis that plagues this country correlates with the lack of sensible politics. And if you want to help make things make sense, just vote. Peace.