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Everybody’s Stupid, CXXVII

Nah, if I have to hit “don’t recommend channel” on YouTube for another goofy-ass, gratuitous, gross, “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” podcast, I am going to throw my phone in the river down the street from my house! I hate to be this person, but why in the astronomical fuck does everybody think they’re interesting? For the love of God, get a day job and real hobby! And to everyone who’s waiting for me to fail miserably at podcasting, don’t hold your breath. If anything, I’d be a streamer or a vlogger before a podcaster. Unless somebody who actually fucks with me makes me an offer I can’t refuse. Until then, be happy with these free words of wisdom and whatever else I decide to give you. Social media is an illusion, and people shouldn’t let those followers and subscribers fool them. Unfortunately, people don’t give a fuck about the people who entertain them unless those entertainers are impactful. My loyal readers, who were mostly obtained through word of mouth, check in with me routinely. And I assume y’all appreciate that I’m not asking you for anything other than to share the link to my website, so please share it. I can tell by the analytical trends that people anticipate these posts anxiously and have learned that I generally post around the end of the day on Mondays and Thursdays. But I blogged about a famous podcaster for four posts straight, thinking that the drama would attract more readers, and a noticeable portion of my peoples stopped checking in! However, I needed that lesson. Because it confirmed that my readers respect me, don’t want me to yield to buffoonery, and hold me to a higher standard. Well, that or y’all think I’ve lost my fucking mind. For the record, there was a lot of truth in what I divulged in those posts, but we’re moving on. Do you understand why paying homage is important? I was thinking about Big Pun and The Notorious B.I.G. the other day, which was prompted by the realization that I’ve been breaking my diet too much lately because I’ve gotten comfortable with being semi-sexy, but I don’t want to gain weight. Anyway, I was pondering on who was the better rapper between the two aforementioned greats, and I have somewhat of a hot take. I think Big Pun was the better lyricist! However, Pun was heavily influenced by Biggie and I wonder if Pun would have been inspired to rap or even develop his writing skills if it weren’t for Biggie’s influence. If you listen to anyone great or highly accomplished give their backstory, there’s almost always a single moment in their life when they experienced someone that they grew to admire and decided that they wanted to be like that person. Unfortunately, I don’t have a story like that. I began writing when I was young because I had a head full of thoughts that I wanted to convey but I didn’t have anyone to express them to. Don’t be sad about that, it’s just life. And I’m such an original person that I’ve always only aimed to be the best version of me that I can be. Yet, like I’ve mentioned many times, rappers like Nas and AZ resonated with me because they’re smart and laid-back—just like me. Paying homage is important because it motivates inspirational people to keep inspiring. There are people in the world who genuinely want to see everybody accomplish their dreams. And most of those people are dreamers as well, so they share their journeys to uplift and galvanize everyone who’s willing to adhere to and appreciate the examples they set. How many successful comedians credit Eddie Murphy for their introduction to and subsequent life-long love of comedy? What number of lauded actresses followed in Meryl Streep’s legendary footsteps? Who doesn’t think Marilyn Monroe was one of the sexiest women, if not the single-most sexiest woman, of all time? With that being said, regular-ass podcasters, who the fuck are you and who are you inspiring?!

I’m mean as hell, I know. But podcasting ain’t even a talent, you’re just conversing. I’m so talented that some desirous, dick-headed, ditzy podcasters like to joke about me using AI software when writing—I presume to make themselves feel better about being talentless. Let me enlighten you dimwits right quick, the only people watching your boring-ass podcasts are bored-ass people who relate to your mediocrity, sorry. On the other hand, the eyes of some of your favorite celebrities and notable podcasters grace the pages of regularly because I’m intelligent and inspiriting. And that’s without the algorithm to boost me, bitches! Speaking of “the algorithm”, that might as well be Katt Williams’ epithet from now on. Because that teeny-weeny tough-talker moves the fucking needle! I haven’t watched Katt’s Joe Rogan interview, and I probably won’t, but he’s an undeniable sensation at the moment. I’m not a hater, as I’ve mentioned many a time, I just don’t give a fuck about a lot of things. And because I’m not very credulous or impressionable, I have to feel something to believe in and to afford attention to people. In the content space—the collection of videos and other media available on social platforms—I gravitate toward those who are creative, contrasting, curious, and consistent. But still, I enjoy watching females lay out their daily routines, apply makeup, assemble outfits, etc. I also like random skits, sketches, and standup comedy specials. On the other hand, I hate those fake-ass, cheesy-ass couples who think they’re cute. I can’t stand those nobody-ass, nothing-ass motherfuckers who walk around in public recording everybody in their vicinity. Y’all can get the fuck out of here, for real! And I’m not a fan of those corny-ass pretenders who react to the internet as if anything that happens on this motherfucker is new or shocking at this point. There’s more that I can gripe about, but I want to keep this as positive as possible. What would you do if you couldn’t access social media for a year? I’ve never been a proponent of social media because I peeped how phony people were being from the beginning, and I’ve just never been very sociable in adulthood. I understand that a solitary life is the scariest thing on the planet for a lot of humans, and I wouldn’t recommend it for most people. But in the animal kingdom, a gang of the most dominant and formidable wildlife are loners. Bears, tigers, and snakes are among the most frightening animals on the planet that are rarely seen in packs. I mention this because people love to project their feelings of loneliness and rejection onto individualists, and many people who would function more efficiently alone often force themselves to endure sickening social encounters with people they don’t even like because they believe that’s what “normal” people do. For the umpteenth time, normal ain’t natural! And mankind is not a monolith. In my opinion, you shouldn’t be different for the sake of diverging, you should be yourself for the sake of existing effortlessly. I bet being normal, or trying to, is grueling and grim, huh? I wouldn’t know, because I don’t give a fuck! I’d rather be the most abnormal motherfucker in the world than to waste my life trying to prove how much I care about people’s opinions of me! If I could be any animal, I would be a One Rüppell’s Vulture, which is a predator and also the world’s highest flying bird. And that leads me to the one super power that I’d choose if given the opportunity—flying. If podcasts are good for anything, it’s diverting discussions about fantastical and impossible things. And the more ridiculous the dialogue is, the more compelling the conversation is. Some people just have a natural knack for entertaining, but everybody doesn’t. When you think about it, it’s kind of sad that normal and untalented people can be famous for no reason these days. Podcasts are like the blue checks of the internet—everyone has one now. Thanks a lot, Elon Musk! By the way, no, I don’t think Elon reads my blog.

Be honest, you niggas are intimidated by me, aren’t you? Shit, if I were y’all, I wouldn’t want me to flourish either. I’m smarter than y’all, I’m cooler than y’all, I’m harder than y’all, I’m realer than y’all, I’m more talented than y’all, I have more potential than y’all, I’m more intriguing than y’all, I’m mentally stronger than y’all, I’m more desirable than y’all, and so much more. If I was a dick rider, I’d be mingling with some of the most hated people in the entertainment industry, right now. But it’s hard being a player in a game full of player haters, especially when you’re playing by your own rules. Consider my current absence from the mainstream content space your saving grace. And let this serve as your notice that I want all the smoke! I don’t like niggas. But in the name of positivity, let me list some of the podcasts that I fuck with. Also, I take it as read that a few of these people read my shit. And because people think I’m crazy now, I should mention that I’m well aware that these people have more viewers and listeners than I have readers. Don’t Call Me White Girl is funny as fuck, but she’s not very smart and she has a dirty mouth. New Rory and Mal is kind of dry, but I watch their pod occasionally because Demaris is pretty. The Joe Rogan Experience is the biggest podcast ever for a reason, but I only watch it when I’m super fucking bored. I’ll watch anything with Chris D’Elia in it because he makes day-to-day life sound like a sitcom. I tune in to Brilliant Idiots every now and then for Andrew Schultz’s ridiculousness. Million Dollaz Worth of Game ain’t been the same for me since Dev left, but I don’t watch Dev’s podcast at all. Gillie and Wallo’s same old lame-ass jokes have been cringe for years now. Math Hoffa has been on a tear and he’s not slowing down, respect. Lil Yachty’s “A Safe Place Podcast” has a nice vibe. “Everyday Is Friday Show” is a podcast with two BBMs (Big Black Men) talking sex with freaky females, porn stars, celebrity women, etc. and it’s pretty fucking amusing. Of course, I listen to the man-child’s pod every time it drops because it’s enjoyable and I’m fascinated by the fact that he continues to think he’s doing me a favor by secretly acknowledging my greatness. Again, I’m more exasperated than flattered. For the record, my life doesn’t revolve around this blog. Writing is my biggest hobby, and I do it on a professional level, so I share my thoughts because I’d be writing regardless and I like to be inspirational. And because I’m not making any money from this blog, it’s not necessarily important for me to have all the readers in the world. However, because some influential motherfuckers are on my dick so heavy, it doesn’t make sense for them to not promote me in any way. But the only things I’m mad at are the intrusiveness and disrespect. At a minimum, I’ve already motivated thousands of people to make smarter decisions, including some notable figures. And though my blog traffic has been on a downtrend, thousands of y’all still tap in every month, and I appreciate that. I think I’m about to start taking things more seriously. I’m also thinking about publishing comments so I can engage with the readers instead of just prescribing and pressurizing. So, if you want to tell me how stupid I am and speculate on why I’m so mysterious, leave a comment under each post. Yet, just to put it out there, I’ll never be humble and I’m not sorry about it. If I didn’t think highly of myself, I wouldn’t function with such firmness and determination with the mere primary goal of being recognized as someone who is smarter than most people. And when I finally decide to stop chilling, may the lord be with you all! Peace.

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