There’s certain shit that stupid people do that could never make sense. Like, what if I was recording myself being recorded, and you go on an internationally broadcasted podcast twice a week and describe the things that you’ve witnessed through illegal recordings of me? How could that ever make sense? Then, everyone around you knows all the illegal shit that you’re doing, and in your stupid-ass, underdeveloped brain—even after watching crime documentaries religiously—you think you’re getting away with something. Yes, I’m here to repeat that hip hop’s favorite podcaster—that weird-ass, pussy-ass motherfucker—in cooperation with my fucked-up relatives, continues to spy on me. Like I said, y’all only way out of this shit is self-transitioning! Over 10 years ago, I joined my young male cousin in a game of GTA Online, and he was in a party with a few of his friends. This was back in the PlayStation 3 days, and when I entered the game, I had already connected my laptop to my console, did a little tinkering, and enabled “god mode.” God mode is a frowned upon feature that hackers use to gain invincibility in video games. So, I spawned into the game and just started wrecking shit. But in a show of loyalty, I let my little cousin survive—showed him mercy. However, he decided that he wanted to defend his friends, and began to roast me in concert with the disgruntled players. So, I started lighting his ass up, too! Then, he got disrespectful, and I didn’t appreciate that shit, so I stopped communicating with him in our personal lives. Well, apparently that crybaby-ass nigga has some trauma from that experience, because today—at 6’5” tall and age 30—my cousin still talks about that shit like he’s a victim. So, for whatever reason, about a year ago, when we were on FaceTime, my cousin decided to record us and send it to hip hop’s favorite podcaster. Ever since, said podcaster has been alluding to things that me and my cousin discussed during that conversation—including the condition of my fixer-upper home, my large bag of CBD flower, my television setup, etc. Hopefully, many of you can discern from my internet presence, and my undeniable intelligence and sophistication, that I’m neither a liar or an attention-seeker. The podcaster in question is working in conjunction with my relatives because they’re all weak-ass people who are sensitive to reality, and all I do is write about my perspective of what’s real. Y’all can lie all you want, but we all know how disruptive the truth is. The truth doesn’t give a fuck how liars feel about it—it’s going to subvert lies whether motherfuckers like it or not. Obviously, motherfuckers don’t want to be incarcerated, so they’re doing everything that makes sense to them to conceal their wrongdoings. The craziest part about all this is that I’ve been telling the truth the whole time. Diverging slightly, once more, I have a young aunt who has been dealing with life-altering mental health issues ever since my sister passed away. My young aunt had a fight with my sister, where she said a few things that she regrets to this day, and she’s been feeling a lot of guilt for just being human. My 52-year-old aunt, the pathologically lying sociopath, contributed to my young aunt’s self-doubt and confusion just by being a negative, toxic, manipulative, nasty person all my young aunt’s life. I’ll elaborate on the importance of that fact later. A few years ago, when my aunt filed an eviction to make it seem like she had to kick me out before I moved to purchase my first home, she requested $60k from me via the court filing. Now, if the lying-ass bitch swears that I had not acquired any significant success as an entrepreneur, why the fuck would she have requested that amount of money from me in an ill-intentioned eviction?! Again, I’m human, my experiences have been very human, and I don’t run from the truth.
The last thing that I want people to believe is that I’m perfect. Like I continue to assert, people’s cultural and habitual dishonesty is a huge factor in the world’s mental health crisis. Lying is trendy, popular, and an established escape from reality. Culprits, I bet you didn’t expect for me to put the obscured pieces together so precisely, huh? Unfortunately for y’all, that’s what happens when you get your information from someone who isn’t mentally healthy enough to acknowledge how intrinsically distorted her perception is. For the record, there’s nothing that you pathetic motherfuckers can do to break my spirit, sorry. If I were a delicate or pliable person, I would have accepted hip hop’s favorite podcaster’s assistance, despite me despising the despicable dick-face. But I’m a solo, stand-alone, solitary soldier! If you’re sensitive, don’t feel sorry for me. Instead, have sympathy for any stupid motherfucker who’s silly enough to try me. If the loudest person in the room is always the weakest, the inverse must be that the quietest motherfucker is the last person you’d want to cross, right? Y’all should’ve aborted this impossible mission from the moment you realized that you’d been compromised. But we can’t expect stupid people to make smart decisions. Stupid people can’t see past their thoughts—their scope is extremely limited. And that’s evidenced by the rudimentary rationality of criminals. Criminals be like, “We’re going to go in here, commit these crimes, make a poorly planned escape, take the fewest possible precautions because we’re real niggas, and ain’t shit that these motherfuckers can do about it!” That’s what my bum-ass uncle was thinking when he stole his victim’s credit cards and used them at the mall, without concealing his identity, just for the victim to come back and claim it was an armed robbery. Guess what my stupid-ass uncle told the authorities. That stupid motherfucker said that he stole the credit cards and used them to pay off a debt to someone who was threatening him and his family. Additionally, the guilty goofball could have taken a plea deal and served a third of the time that he ended up serving, but he thought that his excuse would evoke leniency or exonerate him. That’s what happens when you watch too many movies and you have the mental capacity of a raccoon, folks! Similarly, hip hop’s favorite podcaster continues to go on his podcast and allude to my personal life as if none of the shit that he’s saying can be verified as associated specifically to me! Sir, the difference between me and you is that I haven’t committed any crimes in this matter. So, there’s no reason for me to not expose all of the details that I’m aware of here. Your asininity is astronomical, motherfucker! Y’all, these stupid motherfuckers go on that podcast and act like I don’t exist. As if there’s a Beau Amoureux-like host already on that podcast, and as if I’m not sensational enough for everybody important in the culture to know who I am! Man, if y’all don’t get the fuck out of here. Why the fuck would I be bluffing?! Make that make sense, please. Miss, I don’t have any pity for you either. And it sucks that you’ve decided to put yourself in this position. But as you very well know, because it’s apparent how deeply I’ve impacted you, I don’t give a fuck! What are y’all doing and what have you done that would make me remorseful for knocking you off your pedestals? Again, all y’all do is sit on your asses and run your mouths. You’re not positive or pleasant, you’re not motivational or inspirational, you’re only mildly entertaining, you aren’t charitable, and you hurt more than you help! Fuck your jobs, fuck your bills, fuck your happiness, fuck your mental health, fuck your lives, and motherfuck that podcast! Y’all should’ve gotten your man some help before he decided to ruin his life and yours! Peace.