“Good die young, I ain’t eligible for that! I shot niggas, I been shot, sold crack in the street! My attitude is gangsta, so I stay in some beef!” That quirky quote was swiped straight from “Boo Boo the Fool” himself, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson. Curt, if God is making a mockery of nonsensical niggas, as a nickname, “Boo Boo” is a fine fit for a fool who’s fascinated with starting and sustaining stupid shit, right? Additionally, it’s certainly no coincidence that you really resemble an animal historically held by relentlessly retarded racists as representative of particular people of color. A monkey, is what I mean, mister—respectfully. “This is my hustle, nigga, don’t knock me! You need some shit with a banana clip to try and stop me!” Curt, why is the bullet hole on your “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” album artwork aligned with the diamond cross pendant? It’s almost like God gave you the cover concept, forcing focus on the formidable force with complete creative control, right? Y’all, this is some seriously sad, sadistic shit! The popular phrase “only the good die young” refers to the thought that virtuous, valorous, valuable people regularly, repetitively receive the short end of the stick in life—perpetually perishing prior to full fulfillment. In insisting that he’s ineligible for such an unfair, unfortunate, undesired fate, 50 Cent implies that being bad is one’s best bet to beat the odds. Again, hateful humans in highly-weird Hollywood, what if you worship the Devil? Better yet, once more, where’s God in a war-ridden, wildly wicked, wasteful, worsening world? Most importantly, what if God is bipolar? Think about that. Anyhoo, salute to President Trump for banning broadly broadcasted bullshit from the White House. National news networks keep hatred hot and trendy, and fake news is a true thing. So, fuck y’all! “Watch what you watchin’, Fox keeps feedin’ us toxin! Stop sleepin’, start thinkin’ outside of the box! And unplug from the Matrix doctrine! And watch what you say, Big Brother is watchin’!” Many messages meant to make people ponder what matters most are often regurgitated rhetoric and reminders that become redundant when recited by someone situated within the same system they’re suggesting they’re shunning. If the goofy-ass government can’t un-goofy the goofy-ass government, industry idiots can’t un-idiot the idiotic industry. Because when you think about it, that seems sort of silly and suicidal, right? Like, are you intentionally infiltrating the thing that you deeply despise to destroy it with you in it? Make it make sense, motherfuckers! Like I said, it’s certainly no coincidence that hip hop and hypocrisy sound so much alike. But speaking of Queens, highly-weird Hollywood’s “Walk of Fame” selects superstars based on legacy, longevity, admiration, accolades, relevance, reverence, and altogether respectable requirements. So, with that in mind, congratulations to Nia Long for a well-deserved win with the cemented commemoration of her name in an area that she’s dominated for decades. However, girl, that place is pure poison. And as Chocolate Christ, it’s my duty to do it. What’s “it,” you ask? Well, it’s whatever’s necessary, period. A war-ridden, wildly wicked, wasteful, worsening world without a good enough God to fix what’s fucked means we’re factually fucked if an un-fucking doesn’t occur before the fuck finishes us. And this isn’t innuendo, I promise. But if in the future, some shining savior is lucky enough to watch “The Best Man” with “Nia Long in a cherry thong with the lights on,” that would be a fantasy fulfilled. And from what I’ve been seeing, dreams definitely come true! Y’all, be careful what you wish for. Because again, I’m absolutely about to be the most famous person in the whole wide world. Fortunately, it’s for all the right reasons. Moving on, music makes me wonder what world some artists actually live in. Like, is it reality or their perception of possibilities? Remember, dreams derive from imagination, and imagining accomplishing dreams drives determination. Still, how realistic are rappers? Rappers regularly, repetitively imagine and imitate things that they’ve never seen—things that some say are impossible. Which queues the query, again, do you believe in magic? I’ll come back to this sometime soon. “You feelin’ animal then come on, get killed! Sig peels bandanas like bananas!” Dwayne, if you’re reading this, I’m a forever fan of your music… and your daughter. Girl, damn! And that’s true even if God wrote what we all assumed you did. Listen, you win some, and you lose some, but you live—you live to lie another day! And soon…
Omniscience