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Everybody’s Stupid, CXI

Black men are the most emotional people on the planet! There’s these two battle rappers, Math Hoffa and Serius Jones, who have been bitching and beefing for over a decade. In the summer of 2013, during the Ultimate Rap League’s “Summer Madness 3” event, Math Hoffa punched Serius Jones on stage, during their battle, after Serius mocked Math by sarcastically howling “woo” following one of Math’s punchlines. Since then, the two boisterous, bickering brawlers have had several tense and contentious encounters in-person and over the internet. In 2019, six years after their initial altercation, Math and Serius participated in a highly anticipated grudge match in Rare Breed Entertainment’s “Closure” event, and it was a good battle. Both Math Hoffa and Serius Jones are commercial battle rap forefathers, and they are great artists. These are two tall, handsome men with tremendous talent, reverence from their peers and supporters, and all the ambition they need to be great. So, with all the women there are to woo, all the art and other content there is to create, and all the money there is to make, why the fuck are these two petty-ass, pathetic-ass, peabrained-ass people putting piles of passion into perpetuating pointless phooey? Recently, the doltish, disputatious duo decided that it’s time to reopen the wounds that closed after “Closure”, and they’ve been going back and forth via social media as a result. Presently, Math Hoffa is upset because Serius Jones freshly insinuated that he wanted to kill him. Notably, Serius newly revealed that he stalked Math’s residence at the height of their beef, after Serius’ friend delivered a package to Math’s house and relayed the address to Serius. The package was unrelated to the beef. Serius claims that he wanted to do “something permanent” to Math, but he spared him because he knew Math had his daughter in the house. Math insists that Serius’ claims were unnecessary, and he believes Serius should have refrained from releasing those details. Math currently has one of the hottest hip hop podcasts on the internet, “My Expert Opinion”. Hoffa’s YouTube channel is less than a hundred thousand subscribers away from a million subscribers, and he’s in the most successful period of his career. My Expert Opinion, Math Hoffa’s podcast, is filmed and recorded inside a barbershop in New York. Serius Jones is a long-time barber, and again, a commercial battle rap pioneer. I would love to see Serius as a co-host, or even a guest, on Math’s podcast, but that will likely never happen. Why should this matter to you? It shouldn’t! This story is just an example of how trauma is established. Math Hoffa’s insecurities made him assault Serius Jones. And over ten years later, both men are still suffering from the trauma of the character-defining, career-altering, and apparently life-changing experience. It was just a weak-ass punch! For years following the Summer Madness 3 fight, Math Hoffa was blackballed from battle rap. The Serius fight got Math banned from URL. Also, Math punched a rapper named Dose on stage during an earlier URL battle, before he battled Serius, and that fight was unwarranted as well. Additionally, a year following the Serius battle, in 2014, Math got into a fight with Dizaster on King of the Dot’s “BOLA5” card. Math has always given me that “tough for no reason” vibe, and I wasn’t a fan of his until he started My Expert Opinion a few years ago. Some people just have bad energy, and that energy evokes enmity. Bad energy is niggas’ default setting. If a nigga doesn’t feel like they’re the baddest motherfucker in the room, their feelings get hurt. When a nigga’s feelings are hurt, they must inflict pain to relieve their pain. All strong feelings are induced by emotional responses. Anger derives from fear—the fear of harm to one’s mind, body, or reputation. And threatening anything that’s important to someone can harm their mind. So, don’t be cruel unless you don’t care to be cool with people.

I hate bullies! I’ve experienced bullying a few times. My first bully was a female in elementary school. She bullied me all the way through middle school, too. She would talk all kinds of shit to me, push me around, get angry when I ignored her, etc. I looked her up a few years ago. Of course, she’s a felon now. And that diminutive devil didn’t even grow past 4’9”. I was scared of that little bitch—she was evil as fuck! I got older and realized that she may have just liked me and didn’t know how to communicate it, but that ain’t no excuse. My second bully was a girl as well. Honestly, most of my bullies were girls! I had maybe three male bullies in high school, but they were bitch-ass niggas. I got bullied once at a pool party where I was one of two black kids in attendance. I may have been about 14 at the time. I didn’t want to go to the party because I didn’t know the people hosting it, but my dad insisted that I stay at the party so he could go cheat on his then-girlfriend in peace. He didn’t say that, I’ve just always been perspicacious. My dad is a fat, bald dude—he looks like Big Tigger and Dana White had a baby—and he only fucked BBWs and one skinny chick with hair-ass legs. He was never faithful. Anyway, the house where the party took place had a pinball machine in the basement. So, I followed the other boys down to the basement to play pinball. Four of the boys, all Caucasian, decided they wanted to have a sit-up contest. One of the boys left, so the remaining boys need someone to hold their feet while they were doing sit-ups. They asked me, I said no. I exchanged words with one of the boys, and he said that he would unplug the pinball machine if I didn’t hold his feet. At the time, the situation hadn’t escalated and the boy wasn’t being abrasive with his tone. So, I obliged and held his feet. When he lost, I got up and went back to the pinball machine. He wanted me to come back, I ignored him, he unplugged the machine, I tried to leave, he blocked the door, the other boys joined in and began to tease me, and that’s when the only other black kid at the party came and broke up the confrontation. And that was probably the first time I started to get “blackout” mad. I remember going numb and being confused about why that boy thought it was okay to do what he was doing. But after the confrontation was over, I went upstairs and got a burnt hamburger and relaxed. However, guess who was the next person to bully me? You guessed it, the other black kid from the party. The other black kid was my dad’s girlfriend’s little brother. He was normally nice, but one day he decided that he wanted to keep hitting me on the head with an empty Coke bottle. I would have suplexed that nigga off the bench and onto the concrete, but his adult sister was sitting right there watching him annoy the fuck out of me. She didn’t say a word, and I didn’t know what to do! I wanted to respect her and preclude the escalation of the situation by letting her handle it, but she was silent. As we got up to leave, I was so fucking mad that I started crying, silently! And again, I began to slip into a dark place. My dad’s girlfriend took her brother home and told her dad what he did, and he ended up getting a whooping. Throughout my life, for the most part, I’ve always been strong enough to let shit go. And for someone as persistent as me, my strength has doubtlessly sustained my freedom!

All that “real nigga” folly is fiction. All the men that y’all think are hard are really just dippy dickheads with violent tendencies who aren’t stable enough to control their emotions or strong enough to keep their composure! Nothing’s more counterproductive than self-destruction. And being a nigga is martyrdom! What do you believe is worth dying for? Do you know how I know niggas are stupid? It’s because they die every day for the wrong reasons. A smart person’s goal is always to die old. What about conflict and catastrophe is conducive to continuance?! With all that they have going for them, Math Hoffa and Serius Jones can’t seem to distract themselves from their injurious insecurities! There’s nothing, other than my superior intelligence, that I believe I have to prove to another man. The only reason to give a fuck about proving shit is to assuage the feelings of inferiority that you experience from the thought of people having unfavorable perceptions of you! In other words, you’re only proving yourself to receive favorable receptions from other people. Niggas care way too much about what other niggas think! In hip hop, the more crimes you’ve committed, the more sex partners you’ve exploited, and the more irreversible damaged you’ve caused, the “realer” you are. Serius Jones suggesting that he contemplated killing Math Hoffa over a sucker punch is as cliché as it is conceivable. I wholeheartedly believe that Serius Jones’ feelings were hurt enough for him to conceptualize a homicide. In the same way that Math Hoffa’s feelings were hurt enough for him to snuff Serius Jones for no valid reason. It’s stupid for stupid people to misconstrue how stupid people are. If you know you’d do something stupid, and you’ve witnessed other people do stupid shit, how are you too stupid to know how stupid people can be?! Have you ever done something risky and put yourself in a position to be victimized, and when someone noted that you’ve jeopardized yourself, you said, “they ain’t stupid”? No, stupid motherfucker, they are stupid, and so are you! Everybody’s stupid. Stupidity is intrinsic to humanity. The average person wouldn’t last an hour inside my head. Y’all can’t cope with critical opinions, let alone intelligence! Intelligence is a burden. Understanding things that other people can’t comprehend and appreciating that most people will never comprehend the most important things, is wild. And it’s saddening and maddening. History is traumatic, so it’s befitting for trauma to be people’s emotional reactions to the past. But there ain’t a whole lot back there that matters. Tragedy is an endurance test that rewards its champions with revitalization. Memories can be motivational, but the present is closest to the future. Why y’all always bringing up old shit?! Thinking is a process, right? A process is a series of actions or steps taken to achieve a particular end. The end of every action or step is a result. A result is the consequence, effect, or outcome of something. Consequences can be negative or positive. To achieve mostly positive consequences, you must circumvent adverse results. And you prioritize advantageous results by lengthening your thought process. When you’re pondering on something important, if the circumstances don’t require immediate action, don’t stop thinking until you’re certain that you’re making the decision that keeps you infinitely flourishing! You can’t flourish in a cell or in a casket, dummy. And depending on how much you thought your stupidity through, you may not even get a casket if you don’t survive. Again, what is worth losing the ability to pay? Think while you’re still capable. If “a coward dies a thousand times before his death”, he didn’t actually die until his death! Some shit just sounds good. If getting old is the goal, and cowards evade death the best, do I even have to say the rest? You’re not a coward if you elude death for the sake of living. Fuck their opinions! Peace.

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