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Everybody’s Stupid, CXCIX

Are you readers ready for this repetitious rhetoric? Demonstrably, being fake has been a societal norm for quite some time now, and I will stand pertinaciously in my refusal to be a part of this simulated reality that humans have created and crave to conserve. For the record, and not to hurt anyone’s feelings, but technically, cosmetic make-up and surgeries are meant to simulate beauty, forced smiles are intended to simulate happiness, knock-off designer attire and accessories are designed to simulate affluence, and all lies ultimately aim to simulate factuality. If you want to know how simulated your life is, answer this simple question. How much are you hiding from people? And I’m not asking if you’re respectably protecting your privacy, I’m asking if your propensity for pretending is a primary practice. Per usual, peep the sarcasm. Choosing not to share something isn’t the same as sharing something specifically to shroud the truth or sucker spectators. Whenever you’re pretending on purpose, even if people are persuaded by your pretense, you’re participating in a simulation. Deviating a bit, I was scrolling on social media not too long ago, and came across an obviously Photoshopped picture of a naturally attractive black female model with a caption that read “please ignore my flaws.” Y’all, I almost reported that shit as spam just for the fuck of it, and I’m not typically petty. I can’t be the only person tired of this shit, right? Honestly, are you comfortable being real? As I’ve mentioned many times, change, growth, improvement, and advancement are crucial to the maximization and optimization of life. But we can all concur that faking is people’s favorite way of pretending to change, grow, improve, and advance, right? It’s difficult to make this point without insulting anyone because I appreciate that faking assuages anxiety and dampens dissatisfaction for many people. But by the same token, it’s my opinion that faking to outrun offensive opinions is an ineffective alternative for the freedom granted by accepting oneself as one naturally is. If you’re confused, the fact of the matter is, all fakers are fronting to flee unfriendly or unflattering judgement. People, please stop obsessing over other people’s opinions, it’s ruining your lives! Diverging slightly, how often do you heed advice? Recently, actress Gabrielle Union targeted women in their 30s with what I believe to be perfectly prudent advice on the benefits of pacing themselves, staying true to who they are, being honest about their feelings, and accepting that not living an idealized life isn’t the end of the world. Again, I adamantly and emphatically maintain that the pressure of conforming to norms and struggle to sustain a steady state of idealistic normalcy are central causes of mental unhealthiness. Of course, because most people have years of regrettable experience in being disappointed with and uncertain about life, the consensus in the comment section of YouTube is that Gabrielle Union should never attempt to comfort the millions of adult women who will never live their fairy-tale fantasies, because the truth discourages everyone from fantasizing and makes the improbable seem impossible. Yo, sarcasm is like my second language. Again, people live as if reality is too real to accept. Unfortunately, whether you like it or not, choosing to be normal means that there will never be anything special or spectacular about you or your life. If you dream of living like royalty and having the world revolve around you, understand that Louis XVI had a small penis and an undersized foreskin opening that made his erections too painful to enjoy sex, his wife Marie Antoinette was never happy and heavily hated, and the culpable king and queen were eventually overthrown and beheaded by the people that they oppressed! I believe that living “happily ever after” means finding solace in the imperfect and unideal life that every Earthling is privileged with at birth. Sacrifices, compromises, and patience are the least likely things to ruin your life.

There’s nothing wrong with being wrong, and you shouldn’t be writing your life’s story in permanent ink. Mistakes, lessons, and corrections are all mandatory steps in the learning process. The harder you strive for perfection, the more taxing and tiring your inescapable failures will be. What’s more, comparing yourself to other imperfect people, who are oftentimes just better at simulating than you, is a great way to miseducate yourself. Learning from other people’s mistakes is smart, and relating to other people’s mistakes signals similarities, but choosing to relive other people’s mistakes is senseless. I’m about to throw y’all for a loop, so bear with me. When normalcy is everyone’s goal, emulation inspired by the sight-shifting result of comparisons, or plainly attempting to live someone else’s life, is like trying to imitate an impersonator. Because normalcy is insincerity and acting—a routine of following a script for a film with no main characters. In simpler terms, if you aren’t being yourself, you’re pretending to be someone else—like everybody else—and you’re playing yourself! Do you think it’s possible to coach someone to act naturally? Those directions would be three words long, like “stop faking, motherfucker!” Y’all, I get on this blog and express my true feelings twice a week, spilling my own tea and vulnerably disclosing intimacies, and motherfuckers who don’t know me still try to tell me who I am. A little advice, let these actors run through their dialogue, and you focus on improvising your unscripted life. If you had to categorize it, what movie genre would your life be? There’s comedy, drama, horror, romance, action, adventure, mystery, thriller, etc. Currently, I would say that my life is a mystery, because this shit is puzzling—even for me. But I digress. Anyhoo, I voted for Kamala Harris last Thursday, and I didn’t feel anything. I enjoy exercising my rights and take pride in doing my civic duty, but I didn’t get the sense that I was saving the world by voting. Honestly, I don’t think “Comrade Kamala” will capture Georgia, but I predict her winning the electoral college and the presidency. It’s not difficult to believe that Trump was silly enough to label his political opponent a “comrade” amid telling his constituents to put off voting until January 5, 2025, right? A comrade is a trusted companion or someone who shares common interests. By insinuating that Kamala Harris is a close companion of the Republican Party, and with her eviscerating Trump in their one and only presidential debate, do you think discouraged Trump supporters are gullible enough to be manipulated into voting blue by their own candidate? Better yet, do you think Trump is deliberately manipulating his supporters so he can lose the election, claim it was rigged, and incite insurrectionists to violence—again—at the time of predictable outrage? As sad as it is, history shows that “some men just want to watch the world burn.” Are you prepared for an American civil war? Additionally, do you believe in heroes? Shit, if women in their 30s are unlikely to find their “Prince Charming,” and they have vaginas, the odds of vagina-less Americans being blessed with a “Dark Knight” are slim to none. I’m not ashamed to say that I commonly root for the villain in movies, because they’re characteristically the most resolute, ready, and relentless—which are battle-beating and war-winning qualities. In the real world, we all know that good guys finish last. If it’s a dog-eat-dog world, you’re either food or a feaster. One doesn’t have to be as clairvoyant as Nostradamus to anticipate hatred among culturally unintelligent people reaching a high point and all hell breaking loose in “the greatest nation on Earth.” How pretentious does a country have to be to claim the title of Earth’s greatest nation? In the movies, the proverbial big dogs get tested the most. And again, in the real world, the most vicious dogs are euthanized. If “all dogs go to heaven,” it must be hell up there! Peace.

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