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Everybody’s Stupid, CLVIII

Characteristically, I’m every sensible woman’s type. I’m intelligent, mature, unique, down-to-Earth, assertive when necessary, etc. Just to keep it real, some turn-offs may be that I’m a homebody, I don’t like people, and I’m not very talkative. And admittedly, I don’t really give a fuck about money, but my bills stay paid, and I don’t beg or borrow. Melyssa Ford has been single for years, she loves to read, I’m a writer, she’s smart and I’m smart… do y’all see where I’m going with this? And I’m comfortable enough to allege that, at a minimum, Melyssa would love to be friends with me so she can pick my brain. So, I’m a little discomposed by Mel’s denial of being a fan of mine. Mel, who are you fooling?! Miss, I bet you don’t even realize how many times you’ve quoted me, huh? In my opinion, the only reason Mel wouldn’t like me is if someone’s been lying to her about me. Or, perhaps, Melyssa is lying about not liking me, no? To the authorities, don’t let these fools’ posturing fool you, they are OBSESSED with me, allegedly. But why wouldn’t they be? I’m that motherfucker. It should be obvious what’s going on here. From my perspective, motherfuckers discovered my blog, realized how dope of a person I am, tried to align themselves with me, I expressed my disinterest, they tried to insist, I continued to reject, Joe went digging for dirt, the cast of the JBP started trolling me unremittingly, shit got extremely weird, and now they’re trying to cover this shit up. At this point, Joe desires to rival with me to associate himself with my come up, and his perception of “beef” underlines a fear factor that includes paranoia—of which I don’t have. Plus, like I said, whatever lies Joe’s been told have encouraged his approach. Diverging slightly, imagine taking life and relationship advice from a motherfucker who ruins all their relationships, has abused women, lies profusely, and is stably emotionally unstable. Any human can lose their temper, but incessant instability is inauspicious. On the last episode of the Joe Budden Podcast, Joe said that he thinks he’s a “sweetheart.” Then, another person concurred, suggesting that all of Joe’s past and present acquaintances would corroborate Joe’s “sweetheart” claims. Do you know how I know these people are idiots? It’s because they told that lie on the internet—where there are videos, comments, and social media posts created by people who knew Joe and hate his guts! For the record, I’m on y’all asses until justice is served. Ain’t no way in a motherfucker y’all gon’ get away with this shit! Back to Melyssa Ford, do you think she’s still hot? Personally, I was never into Melyssa, even though I can admit that she looked good as fuck in the “Big Pimpin’” and “Knock Yourself Out” videos. I’ve always been partial to the dark-skinned models—whose names I’ve never known. However, I do remember a few video vixens’ names. And back in the day, one of my favorite models was “Lyric0611” from Houston. She was very sexy, she had her own website, she was in the “Still Tippin’” video wearing a gold outfit, and she would do this shit with her lips where she was slightly snarling—which made her even sexier. Of course, there were the Summer Bunnies, who were all bad. And two other names that I remember are “Naughty Neshelle” and “Absolutely Amber”, who frequently posed together and were both thick as hell. Do you think Instagram and OnlyFans ruined the excitement of sexiness? When you can go on the Gram and see damn-near any bitch half-naked, or subscribe to OnlyFans and witness your favorite model being taken to Pound Town, how are you supposed to stay interested? Maybe it’s just me, but I prefer the tease. Lyric0611 hardly ever posed nude—she may have showed her nipples a few times. And though I never paid for Lyric’s site, I found ways to get into the member’s section of that motherfucker a lot. Ladies, if you want to stay interesting, keep it cute.

How important is sex to you? Personally, at 37 years old, it is what it is and I’ll get it when I feel like it. I was recently chatting with a long-time female acquaintance, and she’s always horny. While discussing sex, she said that she doesn’t want to be with a partner who won’t perform cunnilingus on her and eat her ass. For me, I think those are the kind of deal breakers that keep certain women single. I believe that I have a long list of husbandly qualities, some of which I listed at the beginning of this post. What are some of your undeniably desirable qualities? A lot of women think that being constantly approached by men makes them valuable. Let me tell y’all something, people wanting to fuck you isn’t the same as people actually liking you. Sex can be transactional, and it can be just for fun and pleasure, so it’s prudent to discover exactly why someone is interested in you. If you don’t want to be used or objectified, especially when you’re lonely or horny, having the restraint and discipline to overcome your impulses can help keep your life stress-free. As a man who apparently intimidates bitch-ass niggas, I can tell y’all that niggas ain’t shit. The more a man talks, the less likely he is to be honest. Actions speak for themselves, and showing is proving. Moving on, the worst smell I’ve ever smelt came from a vagina. Honestly, the odor resembled decaying flesh mixed with collard greens and baked fish. It was like the odor had a temperature, and I could tell that it was emitting from a warm area. I assume that this chick had a yeast infection, but I wasn’t going to investigate further. Catching a whiff of that funk after she lifted her legs kept me away from her crotch. I can’t remember if I got an HJ or a BJ after smelling her, but we hung out for a minute. Again, I’ve never placed pussy on a pedestal. Being mature practically all my life, I’ve always viewed sex as something natural and mostly harmless. I never really cared about virginity or any of that nonsense about making the first time special, I just wanted to act on nature’s call. I think a lot of trauma derives from the notion that sex is sacred. As a smart person, may I suggest that you determine what sex means to you for yourself? Stop listening to people! As long as it’s consensual and safe, fuck to your heart’s content. And learn how to keep shit to yourself. If you’re an adult, especially a young adult, there’s no need for you to discuss your sex life with anyone but your partners. If you know that people are going to have a problem with you doing whatever the fuck you want to do, which is your birth right, don’t divulge. If a nosy motherfucker confronts you about your business, put them in their place. A simple “fuck you, mind your fucking business” is short, sweet, and understandable. Entitlement is a big problem with humans. Entitled people stake claims as if their audacity gives them authority, which gets people fucked up every day. Do you always know your place? To discover if you’re crossing the line, simply ask the other parties if your involvement is acceptable. If you don’t respect someone enough to ask for permission, you’re probably a habitual line-stepper. And as we learned from Charlie Murphy’s story, habitual line-steppers get kicked in their shit! Once more, I’m not a proponent of violence, but I understand it under certain circumstances. Some people believe that war isn’t necessary, but those people likely don’t understand what has to happen when an oppressor is relentless. Your freedom and privacy are worth fighting for, right? If someone insists on denying your right to peace, it only makes sense to eliminate them. If we can’t obtain peace amidst conflict, and the conflict won’t end without a fight, that means fighting is the only way to sustain peace. So, if you can’t avoid the fight, fight to win! Peace.

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