Like always, I’m about to say a bunch of shit that y’all don’t want to hear. Please, stop letting people tell you how to be yourself! How the fuck is that even supposed to work? There’s a difference between telling someone to be themselves and telling someone who to be. Would you like me to outline the differences for you? Don’t worry, I’ll keep it simple. Suggesting that someone should listen to their intuition or act at their own volition sounds like this, “stay true to yourself, follow your heart, do you, ignore the haters, think for yourself, live your life, find your purpose, and make your own decisions.” On the contrary, attempting to inspire emulation or assimilation sounds like this, “that’s not normal, you should care more about how people perceive you, I would never do that, try to be like everybody else, nobody likes when you ‘blah, blah, blah,’ and if I were you…” And at the end of the day, I believe that seeking advice should be for emergencies. Again, there’s nothing wrong with being wrong. And even when you make the right decisions, there will inevitably be unforeseeable or unfortunate outcomes that surprise you. If you’ve been paying attention throughout your life, you may have noticed that it’s always the biggest fuck-ups who try to convince you that making mistakes is irrational and irresponsible—as if missteps, miscarriages in judgement, and missed opportunities are actually avoidable. And that pessimism derives from a lack of confidence that people often project onto those who they believe are sharing or have shared their experiences. Like I keep saying, most people confuse projection with empathy. Projecting people often witness things that they can relate to and presumptuously assume that everyone feels the same way when having similar or identical experiences. But in reality, individuals’ emotional and general intelligence levels differ greatly, meaning some people cope with and maneuver through stressful situations and testing times better than others. I think that’s important for everyone to understand because having immature and unintelligent people around you, especially when said people fail to realize how manipulative and intrusive imposing themselves is, can exacerbate disadvantageous circumstances. In simpler terms, stupid motherfuckers make everything worse! On several occasions, as someone who is stoic and strategic, I’ve had stupid people intervene in situations that I had completely under control just because they’d taken my silence as a weakness. If we know that “talk is cheap,” and we appreciate that “the loudest person in the room is the weakest,” why the fuck do so many people inaccurately associate silence with softness? Diverging slightly, I was watching a female duo podcast earlier, and one of the women cited a post that she’d seen on social media that stated “non-confrontational people are the worst.” And from what I gathered, the explanation was essentially that non-confrontational people eschew bullshit. On average, how often has an argumentative encounter solved an issue that you had with a stupid person? From my perspective, a good seven out of ten times, dropping the issue, being the bigger person, and choosing to move on is the only solution to inconsequential differences. Who the fuck likes arguing? Ranting is rarely a resolution, right? And if that’s true, and confrontations commonly cause conflict, it only makes sense to steer clear of confrontations and confrontational people. Having the audacity to start an argument about something stupid or insignificant just because your punk-ass pride is easily shaken doesn’t make you a strong or secure person—it’s actually an indication of your fragility and insecurity. Level-headed adults have conversations, and confrontations are typically uncalled for and unnecessarily emotional. You may be surprised how detrimental a victim mentality is. Victim-minded people constantly feel like they’re being wronged, which is generally evoked by egocentrism, and that’s usually their justification for being confrontational. And indisputably, unwarranted confrontations get people fucked up every day. Keeping weak-ass, stupid-ass people—like those who believe that being consistently confrontational is acceptable—out of your ear and clear of your mind could save your life. Stand up and speak out, but only when it makes sense.
So, remember “caramel cutie?” Well, I don’t trust her. And either she’s cooperating with the opps in an attempt to line me up, or she’s madly in love with me and ashamed to admit it, or she feels sorry for me because she thinks I’m sad and lonely, or she’s intimidated by my intelligence and thinks I’m going to try to manipulate her, or she thinks I don’t like her because I haven’t come “outside” after discovering who she is. “Carmel cutie,” which is it? For the record, the aforementioned cutie initially contacted me, and it was months before I responded to her. What’s more, after I inquired about her identity, she refused to verify it. Then, she did little shit at her job to allude to the fact that she was her—I guess alluding to me is a fucking trend now. After which, she tried to deny her identity when I questioned her about it again, as if I don’t recognize her voice. But I don’t want to embarrass her, so I’ll move on. Still, “cutie,” for clarity, I haven’t been communicating with you-know-who, and I’ll let you guess how you-know-what is happening. And when you’re ready, or if you’re willing, to fill me in, get at me. But while I’m at it, shout-out to “lady lecturer.” Anyhoo, there’s a lot of weird shit going on around me, and it’s fucking infuriating. Nevertheless, life goes on. Going back to the topic of confrontation, men, how toxic is your masculinity? I’ve always been emotionally intelligent, and it’s difficult to take me out of my element. However, though I wouldn’t say that I have an anger problem, I am easily perturbed when disturbed. And my acknowledgement of the potential for me to get snappy or aggressive prompts me to avoid annoyances, which is often people. A big part of being emotionally intelligent or mature is having a keen sense of self-awareness. And as men, being knowledgeable of your triggers and making an effort to evade them signifies that you’re mature enough to protect your peace, sustain your safety, and forward your freedom—which worthwhile women find attractive. Don’t get me wrong, I know that the world is full of bitch-ass niggas, and sometimes they’re too plentiful to pass. But are you willing to risk your peace, safety, or freedom because another nigga is a bitch? Think about it, how many respectable men are incarcerated right now because they had to prove that a bitch-ass nigga is a bitch? A lot of black men are weak-minded, period. And again, many are confrontational because they believe that audacious antagonism is an attribute of strong-mindedness. To the guy whose 2-year-old son doesn’t cry or act crazy when his peers take toys from him, your son is more emotionally mature than most grown-ass men. Shit, he’s more emotionally mature than your boss. And don’t you dare try to change that about him, respectfully! It would be the fighting over things that don’t belong to him and throwing a fit because he doesn’t get his way that would show his bitch-ass tendencies, but he doesn’t have those. You should be proud of that. Again, I’ve never had any real-life positive male role models. My intelligence, maturity, and strength all derive from my intrinsic characteristics—this is who I’ve naturally been forever. And I fought myself to assure that I kept my composure when I was young. Like all of us, I’ve had bitch moments—instances where I should have whooped niggas asses and didn’t—but I have always viewed my high level of self-discipline as a strength. And that was before I even learned what being a man is all about. The fact of the matter is, defending yourself isn’t the same as defending your reputation. Where does your rep matter most, in your neighborhood or in society as a whole? If defending your reputation is protecting niggas’ favorable opinions of you and defending yourself is protecting your well-being, where do you place the priority? “Respiration over reputation” is a corny-ass motto that all real men should live by. Peace.