Kandi Burruss (allegedly), I bet this is fun and funny for you, your friends, and family, huh? Riley, you’re likely to learn a lot from me, respectfully. Reginae and Toya, wazzam? Hello to the hustling Harris’. And shout-out to the cast of “Sistas.” Soulja Boy (allegedly), you’re an innovator and an inspiration, and as wild and wacky are you are, you can’t do much wrong in my book. I think you’re mostly misguided and misunderstood, not to mention the madness and mayhem that many are made to manage and maneuver through when famous. Still, (allegedly) faking, fooling around, and fucking with the Feds calls for the forwarding of facts. The recurrent readers remember that I’ve regularly referred to the reprehensible reprobates without Rogaine, the chrome domes who coddle to and crave the command of the country’s most crooked cops, as bald-headed bitches. Recently, Soulja Boy randomly ranted and, in a ridiculous and regrettable remark, boasted that Ms. Burruss is a “bald-headed, black bitch.” Y’all, I’m shaking my head, scratching my scalp, and sighing at this shit—as it’s the stupidest set of simulated shenanigans I’ve ever seen. First, when has the sweet and sultry Kandi ever been bald? Second, Atlantans ain’t always angry and Soulja speaks for himself. Third, when the similarities between my sad and sadistic situation and the simulated set of shenanigans are stark, and the sparring scrappers sit down to speak on their spat while setting the stage with specific alluring alliterations like, “the music, the money, the mistakes, and the mindset,” am I not supposed to suggest that this shit was scripted to stimulate the softening of my sternness? For the record, I’m disinterested in dumb shit that’s deliberately designed to dismiss the diabolical devilishness done to me. This ain’t all about audacious arguments across apps, I’d been being stalked and surveilled before the bitch-ass badge boys approached and appointed antagonistic asshats to annoyingly and alarmingly allusively attack me. The rhetoric you’ve read in regard to my rightful rejection of and rebellion against tireless torture tactics ain’t been bickering beef between me and the bald-headed bitches—they’re the mouthpieces of the miserable, meddlesome motherfuckers mainly making me mad. Still, the hairless haters are cruel and callous co-conspirators nonetheless. Y’all don’t have to feel me or fuck with me, just know that there’s nothing you can tell me. Fuck Joe Budden and his podcasting pals, and fuck Charlamagne and his “Breakfast Club” buddies! I’ve never liked those niggas, but it wasn’t personal until they partnered up with the punk-ass police to play with my psyche. Aside from getting justice, my goal is to give the gatekeepers a gaping gash in their pride and pretended power. Like I said, this ain’t a joke, and I’m sharing my story to educate everyone on the egregious and exhaustive efforts of my endlessly evil enemies. Y’all, all hell is about to break loose! Anyhoo, Lady London, Angela Simmons, Jastin Martin, Angel Reese, Savannah James, April McDaniel, and others (allegedly), I see y’all. I’m not nearly as nasty and “not nice” as the nation’s nuttiest nutjobs are moiling to make me. And having me hate everybody as I steadily state that “everybody’s stupid” was their secret strategy from the start. But the perishing ploy is backfiring because I’m basically the best at transmuting bullshit. Moving on, “Marsh,” the buff baddie with the banging body, if you’re reading this, please stop playing with me. And “Billie,” though I hope you heal from your heartbreak or whatever is worrying you, trolling me ain’t the ticket. Y’all, even if I wished to and worked on walking away from the weak-ass weirdos’ wonky world, the fuckery and foolishness follows me! Again, not only are celebrities and commonplace content creators subbing and snubbing me, but cashiers, cops, commuters, and casual citizens have been called on to continue the chaos and confusion. Internet interactions are instrumental in this indisputable inequity, but I didn’t start this shit! Are you ready for me to finish it, though? Soon…
Omniscience